Seumas Tan Nyap Tek*,Advocate & Solicitor
Well, you have probably heard, read or seen this statement many times either in the newspaper, radio or television where it says that to raise the standard of the performance of athletics, etc or for us to pose a formidable challenge globally, we must expose ourselves by competing with people of higher standard or of international class. Generally, I agree with the statement but with some reservations. If you have been following my articles either in this blog or in the Practical HR Management blog, you will realise that I like to share stories and experiences. Well, I am going to do just that by sharing with you why I say that competing with people of the same level has its advantages.
Story: My schooling days I will start by saying that I did not excel in my studies when in school. I am more of a practical sort of person who will likely ask “In theory, it should work, but tell me, realistically or in all reality what will most likely happen?” More often than not, the person will provide an answer which differs from the theory which was given earlier. Back to the story, even though I may not have been a good student academically, I remained in the “A” class throughout my primary and secondary education. However, my position in class during my secondary education more frequently than not fell below the half mark in class. I must add here that I was competing with brilliant classmates such as Tan Wee Keong, Peter Goon and Harjeet Singh who are now doctors and an engineer respectively, and whom I deeply admire until today. Somehow, being around brilliant and top students did not push me to improve myself academically, instead I began to develop low self esteem and low self-confidence. Why? I suffered from shyness. I couldn’t bring myself to ask questions or to raise my hand to answer a question even though I knew the answer due to fear of being laughed at or being ridiculed. Not that my beloved classmates would do that to me but there was always that possibility. You can say that I developed an inferiority complex. Just imagine this, when you are in the class and you think you have the perfect answer to a question and suddenly someone raises his hand and gives a marvelous answer, all of a sudden you feel the answer you had a few moments ago was just incomplete. I put unnecessary pressure on myself and started to do a no-no which was to compare myself with others. Looking back, I ought to have used my classmates as role models rather than compare myself to them. My favourite spot in class was either in the last or the second last row of the classroom. The reason being that I did not want the teacher to spot me and call my name to answer questions. I was just too embarrassed. All of this started to change when one day, at the beginning of a particular school year, I was asked to go to “B” class which was the second best class. That year, the school decided to reduce the number of students in “A” class, so I was one of the students asked to leave. My first reaction was of disappointment and sadness as I was leaving a class where most the students were known to me since the day I started my primary education. When I stepped into “B” class, a few of them whom I had met previously welcomed me warmly. For some strange reason, I decided to sit right in front, as a matter a fact, right in front of the class teacher’s table! So there I was in a classroom, practically a stranger with a majority of students whom I had not met before. Since I had not met many of them before, I didn’t feel any pressure and I wasn’t embarrassed to ask questions. I was quick to raise my hand whenever the teacher posed questions in class. That certainly didn’t go unnoticed. The teachers began to praise me saying I am always prepared for lessons and for the first time my peers (my fellow classmates in “B” class) began to admire me and a few commented that I was really smart. I was elated because this was the first time I received praise from teachers and classmates. My confidence and self-esteem began to grow day by day. Then one day, I was informed that there was a place available in “A” class and that place was offered to me. I had mixed emotions as I was caught in between. Here in “B” class, the students thought highly of me and the teachers were showering praise and then there was the “A” class where I knew all of the students. Then, the ego in me set in, thinking that people (ie: family, relatives and friends who were not classmates) would respect me if I entered “A” class. I suppose when you are a teenager in the 1980s, all these things seem to be very important to you regardless of you knowing what is right. So, I took the offer and re-entered “A” class. Immediately after entering “A” class, that old feelings returned. I became quiet, found a seat at the back of the classroom and hoped the teachers would not call on me. The only consolation was that I had all my old friends back. Now, looking back, one can say that I should have remained in “B” class. It would probably have done me good in the long run as it would have increased my confidence and uplifted my self-esteem to face future challenges. Well, that could have been the appropriate decision but then things were different back in the 1980s where getting yourself accepted by your family, relatives, friends and the community was very important. Also, I had a brother who was a star student in the school and that added pressure on me to match up to him as an “A” class student and nothing less. I suppose I may have put unnecessary pressure on myself by placing more value into other people’s perception rather than determining what was good for me. An important lesson that I learnt there was that competing with top students will not necessarily mean that it will motivate you to do better (though we hope that would be the case!) but it may also work as a double edged sword. In other words, it may put you in a position where you may feel inferior, especially when you can’t catch up with them. Yes, I know that is negative thinking but that is the reality of things.
So, does that mean that we should only compete with people who are of the same standard with us? Well, my answer will be “yes” and “no”. I am of the view that initially, it will be better if we compete with people who are of the same standard or similar so that we are able to see how we fare on a level playing field. Once we have achieved our target and are satisfied that we are Primus Inter Pares or first among our peers (equals), our self confidence will increase which will then lead to higher self esteem. Thereafter, when we compete with people who are better than us (well, at least better than us for now!), we know that we have done well previously and are moving up a notch. We will use them as a gauge to measure our performance and at the same time to be a role model to us. In other words, from competing we will learn about what makes them tick – ie: how they got to where they are today.
My second story is on exercise. Have you ever wondered why you don’t see many people who are obese or fat in the fitness centres?
Story: Exercising in an environment that makes you comfortable I was visiting a friend of mine who works in a well-known fitness centre in Kuala Lumpur. He showed me around and I could see that the majority of the people exercising there were rather fit and had good bodies to boot. My friend informed me that most of them were regulars and in the gym virtually every single day including weekends. I remarked “How come I don’t see people who are fat or obese working out in the gym?” To put it simply, why is it that people who really need the exercise are not in the gym but people who do not appear to need to lose weight are here almost every day? Before anyone starts accusing me of insulting our over-sized friends, let me say that I, too, fall under the category of overweight and obese. My friend replied that they do have members who are rotund but they don’t come in very often.
Why is that so? Is it because they are too lazy or too tired to go to the gym? Or perhaps, it could be due to other reasons?
I asked my friend whether there was any gym that caters for people who are over weight? In other words, a place where all the “rotunds” can exercise together without feeling embarrassed or having the added pressure to compete with those fit people that we see exercising regularly in the gym. When we are on the same level playing field, we all know that we have an equal chance to compete against one another, in this case, the amount of weight we lose each week. If you watch the “Biggest Loser” series, apart from the rigorous exercises and the controlled diet that the participants have to deal with,, I would say the driving force that makes the participants lose weight is the spirit to compete against their peers. The participants were willing to push themselves knowing that everyone has an equal chance to win the competition and take the title home. I have been undergoing a “wellness” programme in a physiotherapy and rehabilitation centre for sometime now. “Wellness” programme means an exercise programme for overweight people like me. Do I feel uncomfortable or embarrassed when I do workouts there? Not at all, in fact, I began to appreciate life even more. I began to develop a deep gratitude to God that I am so much more fortunate than many other people when I see some of the people in the rehabilitation centre undergoing different exercises to regain strength and movement in different parts of their body. You begin to realize that a lot of things that we take for granted can be taken away just like that and to regain it needs a lot of hard work, determination and patience. Keeping that in mind, every little exercise that I do in the Centre is done with passion and appreciation. Why? Because I am able to do it and for that I am thankful.
The above are just my experiences. I suppose how successful you will be when competing with the best will depend on your level of confidence and your emotional strength in accepting rejection, criticism and defeat and then quickly learning from it and bouncing back. Then you will no longer just be competing but you will be leading the way!
*Seumas Tan practices in the area of Employment Law covering issues dealing with human resource matters. He practices under the name and style of Messrs S. Tan & Co. and may be contacted at Seumas@STanLawyers.com.my.
